


Whatta Man

by countermeasures



Category: James Bond (Movies), Skyfall (2012) - Fandom
Genre: M/M, i've cracked
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-09
Updated: 2012-11-09
Packaged: 2017-11-18 07:36:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/558484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/countermeasures/pseuds/countermeasures
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Somebody reblogged a gif-set of Daniel Craig I made and added "what a man, love him." I immediately started singing Salt N Pepa's Whatta Man and I just pictured him in the Coca-Cola commercial where the ladies in the office all have a break at the same time when the window cleaner does his work without a shirt and Bond is that cleaner and that song is playing.</p><p>HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO SLEEP NOW WITH THAT IMAGE RUNNING IN MY BRAIN! So I wrote it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Whatta Man

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks Aye!

"You've got to be kidding."

"Surely you know by now that Quartermasters don't joke about their work. M and I agree that you are perfect for the job."

James sighed and shook his head. "Why can't I just seduce the secretary? Would be much quicker."

"What's wrong with you, 007, afraid of heights? The whole building is filled with women, this is definitely the quickest way to distract them." Bond didn't notice that M had walked into the room and quickly snapped into character. 

"Always knew you kept me around as eye candy, ma'am." 

"Just follow Q to the lab, 007. He has some new toys for you," M said while she walked over to Tanner. Her attitude made it clear that it was not up for discussion. Bond just shook his head and mumbled to himself that this was insanity, that he wouldn't even have a place to hide his gun, that it was crazy. 

He walked into the lab, saw the basket, and wanted to turn around and go home; but he saw all the interns had gathered for a demonstration, so he went over to Q, who had trouble keeping a straight face. 

"Let me show you how it works."

"I know how to clean a window, Q. I don't need a demonstration."

"You don't, but I would feel better if you were to test it out." Q suggested that there was more to the equipment than met the eye. The squeegee had anesthetic darts in it and the basket had several guns in hidden compartments. 

"So what, I just shoot out a window and then start on the secretaries?" James still couldn't believe his mission was actually to go undercover as a window cleaner of the Gherkin.

"So you haven't listened to the brief, I take it." Q had come to accept that he had to brief the 00-agent himself every mission. "The idea is that you will clean the windows, and distract the ladies, so I can go in and hack into their mainframe. I can't do it from outside the building and their server is secure in a room past the bullpen. Since it would be suspicious if they’re hacked the same day the new window cleaner starts, you will have to go there several times before I'll join you."

"That would explain the outfit." James picked it up and gave a visible shudder when he saw the ratty t-shirt. "Are you sure I don't need to crack open a bottle of Diet Coke while somebody plays that Salt 'n Peppa song?"

"Don't be ridiculous, Bond. They were construction workers, not window cleaners." Q rolled his eyes at him and continued the brief. "Do you think you can put your ego aside for a day and take one for the team?"

To show his commitment, James took off his jacket and his tie and started working the buttons of his shirt. He saw Q's eyes get bigger and bigger and smirked. "Remember Q, we're at work. Keep it clean."

"You arrogant, imperious berk! You're doing this on purpose!"

"You're bloody right I am. I am being used for my good looks, I'm going to take my entertainment when I can." He had finished unbuttoning his shirt and threw it in Q's direction. "Try not to wrinkle it, please. I love that shirt." 

James took off his shoes and started to unbuckle his belt when he noticed that Q had gone to his bench. He chuckled while he put on his costume and then walked over. "Couldn't handle the pressure?"

"Unlike _some_ people here," Q glared at James, "I like to keep things professional on MI6 territory." 

"Whatever you say. How do I look?" He did a slow 360-turn for Q. "Am I ready to get some staring looks?" The stifled giggles behind him made it clear that the interns were watching their every move.

Q swallowed, tried to talk and noticed he couldn't, so he just nodded. James gave another chuckle and walked out, on his way to the mission. He heard somebody sing and realised it was Q.

_“Whatta man, whatta man, whatta man, what a mighty good man.”_


End file.
